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These 25 needs are not “unreasonable” or “too much.”
If we’ve spent our lives surrounded by neglectful, distant, or emotionally unavailable people, we may believe that basic needs for affection, fairness, intimacy, and support are unreasonable because those close to us have historically been unable to meet them.
The Big List of Reasonable Needs is a non-exhaustive list of needs that people-pleasers tend to discount as “too much” that are, in fact, completely reasonable needs to have in our relationships with others.
Here’s why trying to “reason your way” out of boundary guilt isn’t working—and here’s what to do instead.
Telling yourself you “shouldn’t feel guilty” about setting a boundary is like telling yourself you “shouldn’t feel anxious” when you're anxious.
It doesn’t actually help.
We may intellectually know that it’s okay to put our needs first, but our emotions aren’t onboard. In this article, I’ll explain why it doesn’t work to “logic your way” out of guilt—and share what actually does help instead.
Here’s how to stop people-pleasing in your romantic relationships.
Have you been involved in numerous one-sided relationships that are all give and no take? Do you have difficulty knowing and naming your own feelings and needs—especially when they’re different from your partner’s? Do you experience immense difficulty saying no, setting boundaries, and setting limits with your partner? Do you find yourself repeatedly losing your sense of identity in your romantic relationships? Here’s how to break the pattern.
Get my book, STOP People Pleasing and Find Your Power
A step-by-step guide to speaking up, setting empowered boundaries, and becoming your own best advocate.