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These 25 needs are not “unreasonable” or “too much.”
If we’ve spent our lives surrounded by neglectful, distant, or emotionally unavailable people, we may believe that basic needs for affection, fairness, intimacy, and support are unreasonable because those close to us have historically been unable to meet them.
The Big List of Reasonable Needs is a non-exhaustive list of needs that people-pleasers tend to discount as “too much” that are, in fact, completely reasonable needs to have in our relationships with others.
These three communication differences will totally change the way you see your conversations with friends and family.
The three communication differences—Volunteer vs. Invite-Only, Asker vs. Guesser, and Builder vs. Maintainer—have helped millions of people understand how they and their loved ones communicate—and have helped heal hidden assumptions that had been hurting their relationships for years.
This article gives a complete deep dive into the three communication differences. We’ll break them down, explain the pros and cons of each, and, most importantly, offer a clear guide for how to communicate about them with friends and family who don’t share your style.
Here’s why trying to “reason your way” out of boundary guilt isn’t working—and here’s what to do instead.
Telling yourself you “shouldn’t feel guilty” about setting a boundary is like telling yourself you “shouldn’t feel anxious” when you're anxious.
It doesn’t actually help.
We may intellectually know that it’s okay to put our needs first, but our emotions aren’t onboard. In this article, I’ll explain why it doesn’t work to “logic your way” out of guilt—and share what actually does help instead.
I people-pleased by giving consent for sex I didn’t want to have. (Newsweek)
Many recovering people-pleasers have a painful history of saying yes to sex when their bodies say no. It’s a common phenomenon: consensual sex, freely given—but unwanted. These experiences don't fit neatly into our culture's narrative of "perpetrator" and "victim,” but this doesn't make the subsequent trauma we may experience any less valid.
Pre-order my debut book,
Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power
A step-by-step guide to speaking up, setting empowered boundaries, and becoming your own best advocate.